hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dear god my vagina.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
