lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
