I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
