you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
