I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
