I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
