now i know why i became what i already was.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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