There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
