the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
