I cockslap morals
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
