OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
