I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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