I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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