Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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