Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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