why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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