toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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