Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So drunk its hurt
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think your dad took our porno
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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