im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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