He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
