what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
