That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
