Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
