If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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