remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
