Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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