I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
