Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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