If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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