I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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