Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
