can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
