she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
