oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
