Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
