I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
