She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
not ubering you a puppy
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
