Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
try to milk me bitch
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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