My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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