I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
