HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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