who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
