Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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