he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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