Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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