Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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