I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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