You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
