She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
NoShamevember. You game?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
