He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
