What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
