so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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