It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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