my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
