there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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