i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
