mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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