I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
