Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
